I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
