I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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