dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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