I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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