i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
