So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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