This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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