my sisters under your porch take her home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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