I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
