this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
well you can't waste a boner
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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