there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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