I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
