great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
