The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
