so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
