Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
