you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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