Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
