Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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