i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
