I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
