I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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