Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
