dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
