Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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