Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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