I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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