I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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