She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
