His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
