I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
