yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
