what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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