I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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