God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
