:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
