she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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