At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
