I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
