end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
