How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
