you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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