THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
