I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Terrible idea I love it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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