Are we in a gay sports bar?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
