I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
