who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
