Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
