Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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