I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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