she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
