I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
